♥ 晖色空间

♥ HER Status

"If there's one thing that makes you sad,
there will be another thing that will make you happy. "

♥ Friday, February 25, 2011

i just wanted to write

Me with my BLACK SPECS. with LOMO effect.
:D

1 down, 3 more to go.
Kthxbai.

10:18 PM

♥ Sunday, February 20, 2011

i just wanted to write

END SEMESTER EXAM IN 5 DAYS TIME;
need to start studying real soon. :/

8:17 PM

♥ Thursday, February 17, 2011

i just wanted to write

I MISS YOU,
ALOT. ♥

12:32 AM

♥ Tuesday, February 15, 2011

i just wanted to write

disclaimer: GREY CLOUDS.

I need somewhere to vent my feelings and it ain't going to be twitter cause i'm not going to have my 2000th tweet a sad tweet.

Yes, as i've been venting and complaining on facebook and twitter, my 3 chalets - Vetra, 1L05 and Jane's chalet all crashed on the exact same date - 7th to 9th March.
Jane's has already been booked, and that the other two are tentatively everyone agrees on that date. Perhaps, except me.

Well, i'm really really emo when i was told my 1L05 chalet is on that date too. Having 2 chalets crashing already gave me enough troubles. 3 is worse. Like seriously, fuck my life.

I've been looking forward so much to these chalets and now what?
I can't properly enjoy any of it and i've to pay probably like $70 plus.
What is this, seriously.
No wonder i always had a bad feeling about these chalets, so this was it.

It totally ruined my mood for Valentine's and perhaps few days after which.
I'm really at lost of what i should do.

But now, come to think of it. For vetra's and 05's , i've told them i can't make it cause i already got Jane's chalet. Apparently, my voice is ignored and they decided to go ahead without me.
So yeah, i guess i overrated my weight in their mind right?
Perhaps i mean nothing to them. Perhaps even if i never went, they would enjoy as much. Perhaps without me, they would enjoy even more right?
So then, why should i trouble myself so much with what should i do?
Probably the best option would be that i don't turn up for any chalets and find a job instead.
I really need that money cause I'm sort of broke right now, and on top of that i've to spend $70 on nothing.

I shouldn't expect so much out of all these. Chin Hui, i thought you learnt it long ago already.
After all these things, haven you learnt that you're not at all important to any of them?
apparently, to them you're just a friend for that time. Everything shows, didn't it?
All the outings, the events, and everything just shows.
You apparently weigh so much lesser compared to them.
When are you going to stop deluding yourself?
Everything are just for show. All the things that y'all say. All the promises y'all made.
I don't know why i'm believing all that.
After all these while, after being hurt over and over again.

I'm tired, and sick of putting on a show with y'all.
Do you know how hard it is that you have to put on a smile when you're dying inside?
When you have to pretend everything is all right and that you don't care, and that it doesn't matter when actually you mind alot. Like alot.
Do you even remember what you guys promised me?
Well, apparently not.

I miss those days where everything else is so much simpler.
You know why i love cartoons and fairytale so much? Because i'm looking for something that i can't find in real life. Real friendship, real relationship, real trust, real .. But, again, all these are just virtual.

I feel like crying so much. I miss the times when i can cry when i feel like crying and not having to hide and suppress my feelings just because other people would think i'm weak or i'm like a crybaby.
All humans have feeling. Now, i don't know why am i putting up such a strong front of everyone. People always say that i'm more mature than my age or what i looked like.
That's because i've gone through more than the others. More than those blessed kids.
My life seems perfect. I've got my family. I've got friends. I've got grades. I've got .. health.
The thing is people only look at the facade that i put up, they don't see the ugly side of all these. If you know what i've been through, perhaps you would understand why i'm much more mature than others?

I realised the relationship between humans nowadays are getting more and more .. fake?
People nowadays just make friends for the sake of making. They don't actually really treasure, even if they say so. What can you trust when people can lie without blinking an eye? People just said for the sake of saying. It's more like some sort of greeting instead of coming out from their hearts.

Okay, perhaps i'm too affected by the chalets.
This is such a long post. &i've not written such an long emo essay for quite sometime.
Well, i don't care who reads this. Haters or .. friends (?)
It doesn't matter.
Cause this is my blog &i write what i want.
Keep your comments to yourself & if you can't? Don't read it in the first place.

Got an inspiration.
From now on, i will label at the top of my post whether is it a SUNSHINE or GREY CLOUDS which means it's posted with an awesome mood or an emo post.
Don't read if you can't stand to see me happy or ranting on my own blog.
&apparently, weather for the post is grey clouds.

Anyways, conclusion for this post.

"Sky high expectations

only leads to

sea deep disappointment."

& this feeling sucks. to the max.

12:11 AM